"Where, Sir, Do You Suggest We Walk?"

Excuse me, sir, I'm a tad confused.  I was wondering how you'd prefer us to walk around yer here yellow ribbons blockin' our path.  What would you recommend that me, my three lovely children, mother and the dog do so we can continue on our way?  Should we walk in the street and hitail it up the street or git cross the street to use that there other walkway with the 5-inch curb?  How high is this curb anyway, you s'pose?  Gotta be 5 inches if it's an inch, don't it?  My goodness me, quite the curbs and sidewalks this town's got these days.  Everon's gotta watch where ya step round here or yer bound to step right smack into your own durn grave, know what ah mean?"  My goodness sakes 'live.  Say, kind fella, isn't this what they call the truck route with all them 18-godamn-wheelers and earth shatterin' gravel trucks better suited for a three lane highway or somesuch, not no pritty little city street like this here?  Well, it used to be pretty.  You ask maw, sh'll tell ya.  Yes, she sure will.  Might talk yer' ears off tellin' ya 'bout the ol' days she was growin' up round here.  Good lawd it was diffrint, I know!

Say, sir, I don't s'pose you run your little sidewalk blockin' scheme past Mr. Mayor Kamal Johnson to be sure it complies with them old lady regulations and his good sense, did you?  He's a real stickler for them rules keepin' us safe, 'specially the lil' ones, you know!  Nice fella, ain't he?  Probably be our mayor til' he falls over stone dead maybe right there on Warren Street a settin' in his big mayor chair!  Lawd, I worry about my lil' ones these days jus' 'bout all the time.  If it ain't one thing, it's a goddam 'nother, ain't it?   You gots any lil' 'uns yerself, mister? 

Now how about that Sir Robert Perry at the DPW?  They been call'n him the Mystery Superintendint er sumtin fo' years 'round here; he's no different than a ghost, seems to me. No office, they say he's too antsy or busy to sit for even one durn minute, just takes pictures all day wherever and whatever he damn well likes.  Out drivin' 'round burnin' gasoline all day lookin' for his next photo shoot, I s'pose.  Not sure what of, really, but it sure must be important, I'd bet. Maybe he sells dem pictures on the sly, who knows fer sure?  Hell, I heard him say that the city is his office - yup, heard him say it at a meetin' jest the other night, so it mus' be true, I guess. Hell, even his two clerks up there in City Hall say they never seen him at all durin' the day. Magine that, willya! Like a ghost, I say. Kina' weird if ya' ask me. Don't seem right, do it? Them nice ladies musta tol' me ten goddamn times up on that second floor they NEVER seen him at all in his own office. Can ya 'magine? Hell, the fella makes a pretty penny doin' it, too. lemme tell ya! Nice work if you can get it, I s'pose. My, how things have sure changed 'round here. I remember when we used to say "evenin' mam" and "howdy fella." Kin ya 'magine that, ackshully lookin' a stranger square in the eyes? Hell, ya might even know who ya was sayin' hi to. Not no more, no sir. Anyhows, doncha get me started, y'ell never hear da enduv it. 

Say, y'ever seen that Perry fella 'round town? You know, the ghost of Hudson, like I wuz sayin'? No, me neither, never have seen 'im, not me. Pretty sure he lives there at the end of Warren up in the nice parts. I tell ya', I never seen him out walkin', tho'. Maybe he don't like to mix with us reglar folk, right? Gotta bit of an attitude er sometin', I suppose. Lawd knows we don't need no mo' a that, I say. Now I don't think of myself as bein' a judgmental sort 'r nothin', ya know, but it sure makes me think the guys a hermit or a, whadaya call it - RECKLOOSE? Anyway, someone with such a big salary's gotta be doing somethin' important, doncha think? Don't know what we'd do without 'im!

Well, good talking with you, fella.  Me and the family gotta get moving on 'n we all gonna hold hands real tight and make a mad dash for the other side of this here truck route.  Lawd god amighty, sure looks a long way cross!  But we ain't goon dash so mad that maw falls over, ya know we gotta worry 'bout her too.  The coast's lookin' clear fer now, friend, so we'd better git while we can. Thanks so much fer yer help.  Gawd, I hope maw makes it across, hate to lose her to a truck carrying sody pop to the goddamn Wal-Mart.  Wish us luck, would ya', we're gonna need it.  HA HA!  Lawd, if you can't laugh yer gonna die like a fool.  Or get run over by one of these here trucks.  Sure don't know what'd be worse, does you, mister?