If any of the much-discussed $10,000 parking payment kiosks ever make it out of the storage shed on Dock Street and onto a Warren Street sidewalk, it's going to be quite a show to see how the city handles the aftermath of the first one that is destroyed by a car or truck that hops the curb.
Maybe the mayor will hold a press conference and try his best to explain: "We are trying to get the driver to pay for a new kiosk to replace the one they destroyed, but they aren't returning our phone calls. Fortunately, as you know, I had to raise your taxes again this year, so we have plenty of money in the rainy day fund to purchase a new parking kiosk to replace the destroyed one that we paid $10,000 for. Unfortunately, that kiosk model is no longer available because it has been replaced with a smarter one which costs $15,000. We can afford it, though. We can do this together, trust me. Thank you for your patience and your vote."
According to the Parking Study Ad Hoc Cogito Ergo Sum Committee, led by 4th warder Jen Belton, phase one and two of the parking payment kiosk project is scheduled to happen in "the spring of 2025." Tune into the committee's meeting at the end of the month to find out when, if ever, the sixteen $10,000 kiosks will be on their way out of storage so that the increased parking revenue they are projected to create can cover the cost of their purchase.
Should you ever see one, use one or run over one, here is what that parking payment kiosk will look like:
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| This is what $10,000 looks like. 16 of them have been in storage on Dock Street since February 4th. Can you imagine the field day the graffitists and conspiracy theory sticker lunatics will have with these things?! Look at all that surface area waiting to be decorated! Like a blank canvas! |
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| If nobody at City Hall gives a crap what our $1,000 public trash cans look like, why would anyone care what our $10,000 parking kiosks look like or whether they even function properly? |
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