How Much Does City Hall Value Its Public Parks and Their Patrons? You Be The Judge.

By tomorrow morning, the walking surface in the plaza of Promenade Park that is still covered in snow will have turned to ice.  It will be perhaps the worst of all winter walking surfaces: bumpy ice from all the footprints made in the snow over two days, designed to make park patrons wonder if it was worth visiting the park.  As in previous winters after snowfalls both large and small, we have DPW Superintendent Rob Perry to thank for this. 

Another stellar, respectful effort from DPW

This coming Saturday, Rob Perry, in a rare visit to Promenade Park on his time away from work, will come across an elderly man flat on his back just beyond the top of the staircase, writhing and moaning in pain on top of 4 inches of snow that has turned to hard, bumpy ice.  There is a wooden cane a few feet away from the man.  No one else is around.

What's that you say, old timer?  You fell and you think you broke your hip and wrist?  That's horrible, I am so sorry!  You should be more careful around here, there's ice everywhere!  You risked your life for a quick view of the mountains and river?  What the hell were you thinking?  Can I fetch you your cane?

Don't bother, you say?

Well, you seem to be in a lot of pain; would you like me to call an ambulance for you?  Is that a yes? Well, sorry, I'm afraid I forgot my phone.  

Hah, hah, I'm just kidding you!  I just can't help myself sometimes!

Do you need a place to sit comfortably off of that thick ice while the ambulance makes its way here? As you may have noticed, there are several public benches in the entrance plaza for you to choose from. They're brand new benches, real comfortable. I just got them installed them this year because the original benches looked horrible and nearly all of the paint was peeled after just one year for some reason. Can you imagine? I'm tellin' ya, mister, nothing lasts anymore like it used to, that's for sure. I don't need to tell you that, though, do I? Hell, you're older than I am! Not exactly a good time to be breaking your hip, is it?

Anyway, as you also likely noticed, we made the effort to clear the pedestrian path and the staircase of snow and ice, so you should be able to make it down to one of the benches safely.  You look like you can't make it there on your own, so let me help you get to a bench to get you off of this cold and slippery ice.  What's that you say?  You'd rather stay here on the bumpy 4-inch thick ice for the ambulance to arrive?  That ice you're layin' on sure looks cold and uncomfortable to me.  Suit yourself, buddy.

That's some view of the river and mountains today, isn't it?  Look at them snowcapped mountains!  Ever seen anything like it?  This park is awesome, isn't it?  I love the view from up here in the winter, don't you, especially with the crisp and clear air?  What's that you say?  You didn't even make it to the fence to have a look? That's too bad!  Try again in the spring when you're recovered.  The park will still be here and there won't be any ice for you to walk on.  Or should I say, "slip and fall and break a few bones on"?  I'm sorry, I can't help myself sometimes!   I'm such a cad!

Well, I'm afraid I gotta get going, pal.  I came for the view, but I've reconsidered walking to the fence for the grand view.  Kinda like you did.  Hell, I don't know about you, but I need both of my hips!  Anyway, the ambulance should be here for you soon enough, so take care, enjoy the holidays, and I wish you the best.  Here comes a family up the stairs, maybe they'll look after you.  Jeez, I hope they don't all slip and fall on all of this ice, too!  That would be hilarious, wouldn't it?  Hell, it looks like you could use a laugh or two about now! 

Sayonara, as they say!  Enjoy the view!  Of the ice!

The victim thinks he hears the stranger quietly murmur to himself as he walks away, "Jeez, I hope he doesn't sue us."

Early this year, in January as I recall, Rob Perry explained to the Common Council that a DPW crew was forced to power wash stains off of several of the expensive bluestone steps on both sides of the entrance to Promenade Park adjacent to the sidewalk.  He claimed that a "crisis had been averted," explaining that the sand that DPW had applied (salt was already not an option) to recent snow and ice-covered steps had been the cause of the stains.   He also said that neither salt nor sand would be used on the steps anymore, and that instead the steps would be made off limits in the winter.  

It was all bullshit.  Several stains soon returned, and they are there now for all to see, still growing, nearly a year after Rob Perry claimed to have "averted a crisis" with his quick thinking and disinformation to the Common Council.  The stained steps are even available to be walked on today, two days after snowfall.  DPW somehow cleared the snowy steps, but not the stains on them.

That will be a job and expense suitable for another, much warmer day.